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If you should find offenses to the English language in any of my articles please leave a comment and let me know so that I can obliterate it forever! Thanks!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Stuff about Things and All that Jazz or this week in 2009...

Well, my I’m busting so I’m going to use the fact that my bladder may explode as a good insentive to write this down as quickly as possible...

You may remember that on a dark stormy night of great gusts of wind my poor dog’s house was picked up and carried far far away... well, wherever “far away” is it is still there without even a letter or a phone call to say when it is coming back. In fact I think it might have run off with another Dog Kennel and eloped. I’m kind of hoping it will be like one of those tricks where someone steals a garden gnome and takes pictures of it all around the world until it returns with a tan and sunglasses. It would be nice to have some photographs of Hagrid’s little home classing up the Eiffel tower or next to the Loch or even providing shelter for poor starving Australian who couldn’t get the first home owners grant because their really a kiwi in denial... sorry that would have gone over quite a few of your heads, much like my canine’s kennel did during last weeks squall that rendered him homeless.. oh well, I suppose it could have been much worse, I could have opened the paper up on Monday to discover that there had been a fatal collision of a car with a kennel going above the limit without a driver no less... even worse, it could have had my name plastered on the side. Let’s just forget the whole thing shall we?

Good.

This week my gorgeous little girl got even gorgeouser now that she sleeps through the entire night... well, to me she does, my wife tells me she still gets up when its still dark for some mommy milk but its still better than where we were at this time last week when the lack of sleep was turning me into Herman Munster and the thought of sleeping in the dog house seemed like a valid option until it blew away... (I said that’s enough, stop bringing it up, you’re going to get us into trouble!) But this fatherhood thing is sweetly awesome and I recommend it to everyone - go forth, marry and multiply I say... just make sure you get your own because I’m keeping mine!

This week on Kerinthian’s I wrote a naughty article, that lots of people will hate because they probably won’t get it, about False Equality. I wrote from my Christian perspective that current laws proposed in the UK about “Equality in religion” are really just a clever little way of getting rid of “religions” the state don’t agree with, namely my own! So you could say I felt like a bit of a rebel tonight when I posted it, knowing it will be banned in China, San Francisco and Gordon Brown’s toilet magazine rack.

I reviewed a yummy place called O’Sarracino where my tastebuds picked up pens and started writing their praises on my tongue until I had to spit them out into a blog. I pity anyone who is overseas who reads that one, because unless you’re prepared to get on a plane and splash down in wet miserable Auckland, New Zealand then you will never know what its like to eat a meal that would leave your mouth thinking, “I can finally die, nothing could possibly be better than this...” Oh well, your loss...

I saw a movie called Phantasm which proved to be a cure for awakeness. I recommend it to anyone who has trouble with not laughing during a horror flick. This one was so hilarious that it broke my funny bone and left it in a plaster cast along with my sarcasm and boredom.

I also wrote about Little Miss Sunshine, a movie about a chubby little girl with hoola hoop glasses who travels across state to a beauty pageant with the family from Hades. Very entertaining and wonderfully depressing.

And then there was a movie called Mad Money which was fun to do as long as you had several other people in the room to talk to when you got bored.

My goodness, I saw three movies this week... and I have a baby... how on earth did I manage that? I’ll have to check with my wife. Mind you, as I write this at 3 a.m. I have to wonder if I’m sleep talking with my fingers?

Keep an eye on my site next week as I drag “Drag me to Hell” to Hell and leave it there and I attempt to talk about the classic Marathon Man which I’m going to watch only because it has Dustin Hoffman in it and that guy from Jaws who says, “Smile you son of a... KABOOOM, sharks guts everywhere....” best scene in any Spielberg movie ever!

I hope you folk are enjoying my meteoric return to the blog world, though I wish they called it “bogging” because I could get a lot of material out of that... but please show your support by doing one of, if not all of, the following thingies...

1.Add me on facebook for updates
2.Add me on Twitter for updates
3.Favourite www.kerinthians.blogspot.com
4.Become a follower on www.kerinthians.blogspot.com
5.If you like any of my reviews or blogs then please forward the link to your chums
6.Email me at kerinthians@gmail.com with questions so I don’t run out of material
7.Email me your favourite self saucing pudding recipe because they’re my favourite...

Finally if you should come across any article or review or whatever on my site that you might like to publish in a publication, whether it be for school, church or golfing quarterly, I don’t mind as long as you mention my site, acknowledge me as the author and let me know about it first!

And there it goes, the rooster just crowed or whatever it is that roosters do... I have Church in 6 hours... better dash daringly into what is left of the night...

Cheerio!

K



P.S. Does anyone have any questions?

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