Attention Grammar Police!

If you should find offenses to the English language in any of my articles please leave a comment and let me know so that I can obliterate it forever! Thanks!

Friday, November 30, 2012

Three Day Old Kittens

Because everybody loves kittens, here's some more of my recent cuddly additions to my household...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Nine

This week I get to enjoy the disagreeable experience of blogging on the iPad... They're great toys and everything, but trying to type a lengthy blog on one makes you want to chop vegetables on it.

So please bear with me... Or is it bare? I can never figure that one out...

You might notice, if you've been following this series, that it is in fact 1 a.m. Thursday morning here in Hobbit Land (New Zealand is abuzz with Hobbit madness at present, it doesn't help that I work in the cinema industry either!) Which is unusual, for up to this stage I've been super consistent with spewing these updates out on Monday like clockwork vomit...

But alas this week I rather dropped the proverbial ball, which then proceeded to deflate rapidly on the end of a sharp spike.

In many ways real life caught up with me, as things at work got busy, family life tumbled along and my sleep betrayed me. Today I developed a croaky throat that would make even Vin Diesal jealous due to a synthesis of Hay Fever and some sort of throaty bug thing...

When Monday came I was reminded of a pencil case I owned in High School. It came from some kind of Japanese novelty shop, you know the sort that sold tamagotchis and stuffed smily kittens. On the pencil case were the words - Stop Sometimes. For years I mistook it for either bad English or good Engrish... But on Monday it made sense...

I stopped.

On Monday night I threw myself into three and a half hours of Star Trek Enterprise and then beddibyes.

I did the same on Tuesday night, and let the couch enjoy the experience of a comatose human being squashing it's cushions.

And now, after an evening with the new James Bond movie, the only reason I'm awake is thanks to a brutal flat white from burger king to ensure I survived the trip home...

So here I am, tired but well rested, having given my brain and body a break I can finally come back and pick up the reigns of this donkey of a task...

All of the above is rubbish of course. The real reason I didn't do this on Monday is because I didn't have a computer and I couldn't be cauliflowered enough to type on this fandangled touch screen....

I was beginning to give up today, having made no sales at all since Monday... But then a good chap came along and bought 5 books at the Buy It Now price...

So here's how the last nine days have gone, sparing you the titles of the books for once because there's 16 to talk of... (and to type)

I sold $72 worth of books!

This now takes me up to $226.85!! Only $273.15 to go until I've reached my goal...

I also now have 201 books in stock, 28 of which are still yet to be listed because of my recent bout of cantbebotheredness.

This is way better than I had been expecting and I am glad to have lost some sleep in the discovery of this!

However some of my plans have been thwarted this week... I had been hoping to have published my first two ebooks by now, which was the secret thing I mentioned last week... I told you it was up my sleeve... Turns out I wasn't wearing sleeves. No computer means no ebooks!

The books were going to be Pimp My Twenty Bucks compiled into one volume, and also a children's story I had written and illustrated. The idea was that hopefully they would contribute to this enterprise and help propel me to $500 quicker... Nevertheless, I haven't given up! Watch this space...

I've also decided on another tactic... My YouTube channel has been generating some cents since I started posting the days and the lives of my kittens. I've decided to count my adsense revenue toward the $500 if, and only if, my earnings can generate the $100 necessary for Google to send me a cheque.

So that's why my blogsite has had a few strange YouTube postings lately. Ultimately I plan to make a Pimp My Twenty Bucks vlog, but time seems to be the only thing I can't renovate, leaving that dream swimming in the piranha paddling pool for now...

My earnings for adsense for this month are currently at $1.45... So maybe I shouldn't count my chickens before their eggs have even been laid...

Anyway, prattling is the demise of a man still awake at two a.m.

I had best push off...

Until next time...


Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here if you would like to follow my progress on Facebook!

Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks

Click Here to view my Trademe Listings


Monday, November 19, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Double Your Money

UPDATE: I'm not writing this blog anymore, but please visit my YouTube channel The Vocabuverse and subscribe for more great things to come!


Have you ever felt like there is a concrete brick in your cerebral cortex, prohibiting your synapses from synapsing, thus preventing your thoughts from reaching their final destination because of the heavy traffic now blocking every ally way of your brain?

It’s called writer’s block.

I’m experiencing it now. My subconscious has become the proverbial prisoner behind bullet proof glass while my conscious mind tries to communicate with it via a broken telephone, and he’s just shaking his head and mouthing the words, “What? I can’t hear you?”

It’s most likely because nothing very climactic has engaged me this week, and so I am robbed of any momentous lead in to how the renovations on my hundred dollars are going.

On the other hand I have been sitting at this computer for the past hour wrestling with a sumo-quandary; not being happy with my total I’ve wanted desperately to fudge the numbers somehow so I can honestly brag about doubling my money in an even number of weeks…

But I’m getting ahead of myself… let’s look at the figures and see if either of us gets inspired…

Sorry subconscious, I’ll call you back later…

Over the last seven days I have successfully sold a truly megalithic amount of books compared to all my previous attempts, they were:

One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Keysey - $5
Migraine by Oliver Sacks for - $3
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley - $5
Homicide by David Simon - $6
Last of the Mohicans by J. Fenimore Cooper - $3
Power of the Sword by Wilbur Smith - $3
Left hand of the Electron by Isaac Asimov - $3
Airframe by Michael Crichton - $3
Prelude to Foundation by Isaac Asimov - $3
Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsey - $5
The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling - $3
Nights of Rain and Stars by Maeve Binchey - $3
Braveheart by Randall Wallace - $5
Isaac Asimov Presents the Great SF Stories 10 - $3
Eagle in the Sky by Wilbur Smith - $2
Dark Stars edited by Robert Silverberg - $3

So I should be a barrel of undulating joy. But I’m not… or at least I wasn’t for a wee bit there…

You see, as awesome as it was to have sold so many books the total amount of sales came to $58… all things considered, listing fees, success fees etcetera, this left me with the totally terrific total of $232.85! Except today I bought another $36 worth of post bags which dramatically decreased that total to $196.85 – only $12.90 more than where I was three weeks ago!

As stink as that feels I have to keep reminding myself that by purchasing the parcel bags this way I am in the long run making about 40 cents every time I post a book and that it only LOOKS like I have less money… it’s a shame my anxiety is so attached to my eyes.

The bizarre thing is so many customers of late continue to opt for picking up the items themselves! As I mentioned last week this annoys me… although I’m not sure why it annoys me so much… it’s probably because I’m antisocial and don’t really want to have too much contact with my customers beyond an email. Don’t they realize the money they spend on getting to my house is probably how much they’d spend on petrol anyway?

I’m not really such a people-phobe as you might think, but the thing that attracted me to this type of business was it suits my cave-manishness and my desire to be able to conduct a money making operation on the fly; as soon as a customer wants to come to my house, I become slightly limited in my movements. Also the state of my letter box is truly appalling, not to mention embarrassing!

But at the end of the day, the more people who say no to delivery, the longer it will take me to make back what I’ve pre-spent on postage costs, and that makes me sad.

Anyway, back to where we started, there I was looking at my $196.85 trying to find the pride I should have felt for my prize, and trying to write the first sentence of this blog when suddenly my dear friend Mr Procrastination tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I know, I have a great idea, why not check your email instead?”

So I jumped at the chance to run away from my self-imposed responsibilities and sought my escape in my inbox and lo and behold an email from Trademe had come for a visit to cheer me up – a customer had sent a request for a fixed price offer on a listing which had just ended!

I looked at the $196 again and knew exactly what I had to do to make the title of this week’s entry true - I offered it to them for $4.

This was quite possibly the only time in my personal history of 34 years that procrastinating actually paid off!

People of the Wolf by W. Michael Gear – SOLD!

And so, within five minutes, I was able to say that I have proven to myself and to anyone else out there who gives a turnip fart, that in eight weeks of buying books from op-shops and selling them on Trademe, I have finally doubled my money. Ta Daaaaaa!

And let's not forget that having only started this journey with 16 books six months ago, I now have over 170 listed on Trademe!

In my last series it took me about three months to turn $20 into $100, but starting with $100 it has taken only eight weeks to make another hundred, and I must say I’m feeling rather pleased about it.

I have of course relisted all of last week’s unsold books and I suppose I will replace the stock I did sell, but for the moment, even if just for today, I’m happy to leave my $200 alone, so I can look at it and sigh blissfully.




Now, I don’t want to give anything away here… something is coming soon… I don’t want to say what it is, in case it doesn’t come, but for now it’s definitely coming… let’s just say I have something up my sleeve…

Until then…

Oh, by the way, once again – Thank You France and thank-you www.workingathomeinternet.com for the more than 300 hits Part Five of this series has enjoyed over the past two weeks!

Pssst – hit the “like” button. Cheers!


Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks" target="_blank">Click Here to read Part Nine of this series

Click Here if you would like to follow my progress on Facebook!

Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks

Click Here to view my Trademe Listings



UPDATE: I'm not writing this blog anymore, but please visit my YouTube channel The Vocabuverse and subscribe for more great things to come!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Evolution of a Writer - Part One

At the age of about eleven I had a peculiar dream in which a maniacal man of magnificent delusions found himself in possession of a bulging ring binder full of notes and papers. His eyes widened in crazed ecstasy as he declared, “At last, I have everything that Kerin has ever written!” As if he had just found the Holy Grail of English literature.

Well, I don’t know about that, but it must have had some influence on me, as from then on I became determined to become the writer of my dreams.

For the next ten to fifteen years I tortured innocent notebooks and unsuspecting scraps of paper with invisible brilliance, meaning the “brilliant” part of my writing was cloaked in nonsense; the true value of my poetry and prose extended no further than the cost of the ink I had wasted…

But I suppose not all is wasted, after all perfection can only come through perseverance, and my blindness to how completely rubbish I was certainly enabled me to persevere!

Just to be clear, I’m not claiming to have “made it” in the realm of writing just yet. I can only claim to be better now than I was then! But at least now I can approach this craft with the sober knowledge that no one any time soon is going to seize my dusty notes and try to sell them on eBay for a fortune of any size!

So to the point of this series…

I have recently unearthed many of my past creative disasters from various stages of my artistic development, maturity and experience. Reading them and remembering the pride I had over them conjures up images of failed American Idol contestants who, after singing like a gargling cat in a blender, still have no idea why they got booted off the show!

Were I a vet and my past atrocities dogs, I would put them out of their misery and bury them under a starving lemon tree, but as a blogger instead I feel compelled to publish them for your pleasure, and quite possibly pain.

But there is a catch to this, I intend to publish them as I wrote them then and juxtapose them against how I have re-written them now. This should be interesting, I’m George Lucasing my own work. Thankfully I have a lesser fan base to worry about offending!

So here it is the first installment in the Evolution of a Writer…



The Photo
by Kerin Gedge, sometime in the late ‘90’s, probably aged around 18-20 years old.

It had been ethereal. Celestial. The night sky had been lit with thousands of stars and then one began to grow. It seemed to sink from the sky until it was now a sphere of pulsating light. An array of colors, blues and greens and oranges caressing the field as it rested in the air. Paul sat dead still. Above him was this flying jewel which filled him with both utter terror and purer ecstasy. A UFO! Time stood still. Forever it seemed like it was just Paul and the craft in the middle of the universe just watching each other. It was almost like being in love. But then he realized it was his breathing that had in fact stopped and the moment he took in a deep breath the vessel bounded off into the sky higher and higher and then away across the fields. The Camera! Paul sprinted to his car, reached through the window for his camera case and ripped the camera out clumsily, but the ship was now too far away to get a decent shot. It was then that Paul snapped into action, throwing the camera onto the passenger seat and turning the ignition, he was off. Over the farm lands and onto the gravel road kicking up the dust in his wake he chased the flittering angel. One hand clasping the wheel and the other trying to focus the camera. Out onto the main road now Paul continued the chase, the UFO flying low and Paul still not able to focus on the darn thing. The ship was getting faster and so was Paul, oblivious to the 180 k’s he was tearing down the country Rd. All that mattered was the photo and the thing which any second might shoot off back into space and never have another photo opportunity again! And then, abruptly, it stopped. Paul kicked at his breaks and screeched past slamming into the ditch. While the craft hovered. Amused. Paul staggered out of the exhausted vehicle, the camera shaking in his hand. He lifted it to his face. Click. Got it! And with that it was gone, darting back into space like a hawk with it’s pray. Paul jumped into the air. Yes! But then the realization hit home… no film! The camera broke into tiny bits when he threw it to the ground in distempered rage. The car choked away despondently and the stars lit the sky over the fields.

Above the globe of Earth the vessel sat, two aliens green and with bulging eyes stared in anticipation at the small black box one had in it’s tentacle. “Did you get it?” The other asked hastily. “Sure did!” said the other salivating creature. And from the black cube came a photograph of a human being with a very wry expression on his face.



And here it is again, only this time as a 33 year old…



The UFO could only be described as ethereal, a ghostly luminosity that descended upon the earth like a colossal, and yet somehow celestial, yo-yo.

The midnight stars punctured the night sky like a billion pin pricks in the eternal fabric of space until one of them began to grow, tearing through the atmosphere, pulsating, gyrating and terrifying.

The incredible object plummeted towards Paul like a great giant’s hammer, threatening to shatter his existence, and yet crippled by fear the shivering human remained transfixed by the colorful horror hurtling towards him.

But suddenly it stopped within an inch of Paul’s furrowed brow.

It was a peculiar feeling that came over Paul at that moment as his mind tried to swallow the gravity of the floating abnormality above his face. He found his emotions bouncing back and forth between terror and fighting the urge to lose control of his bowels.

A UFO! Time took a holiday as Paul and the unearthly vehicle faced each other like awkward strangers on a blind date, not really knowing what to say to each other and trying to think of a good enough excuse for getting out of this uncomfortable situation. He tried not to forget how to breathe, but it was difficult. The spaceship’s very presence seemed to suck away his very desire for air until, just before he was sure he was going to pass out from all this excitement, the alien craft abandoned Paul to the darkness, darting down the dusty highway, caressing the countryside with its array of colors.

Suddenly, Paul came back to himself. “I’m such an idiot!” He thought, as he realized that all this time he had been holding a camera and it never occurred to him to take a photo!

But by now the fallen angel was too far away for a believable shot! Snapping into action, the now desperate and obsessed Paul threw himself into the driver’s seat, started the engine and quite literally floored it down the dusty highway in frantic pursuit, gravel exploding out from under his rear wheels like murderous chunks of shrapnel.

With one hand wrestling with the steering wheel and the other fighting to focus the ancient camera, Paul followed his prize to no avail as all he could see through the lens was bleak nothingness.

Suddenly, Bang! Paul hit a fierce bump in the road; the car shook in a violent swerve, Paul dropped his camera and noticed the speedometer screaming at him to slow down, but any thought of safe driving departed quickly from his mind as the desire to validate his experience with photographic evidence consumed him with madness. All that mattered now was the photo.

Abruptly it stopped. Paul almost overtook it before torturing his breaks to a shrieking halt, burning the road with an arc of hot rubber, the rear of his car plunging into a ditch.

The craft hovered nearby. Amused?

The frantic photographer staggered from his beleaguered vehicle, with trembling hands he brought the camera to his bleeding face and took the photo with a deafening click. Got it! He sighed.

And with that, it was gone, a veritable lightning bolt flashing into non-existence by an abysmally ordinary night sky.

Paul jumped excitedly into his car like a little boy with the biggest piece of birthday cake, but his enthusiasm was quickly vanquished as he looked down in dismay at the camera, which would have stared back at him, were it not for the fact that the lens cap was still on.

*

The Earth shrunk in the vast distance as the flying saucer silently sliced through the eternal emptiness. Onboard two creatures resembling a rhinoceros spliced with a cucumber crouched over a small black rectangular device. There was something earnest about their demeanor as what passed for their eyes bulged in anticipation. “Did we get it?” asked one of the aliens in a voice that sounded like a cat gargling absinth in a blender. “Yes!” said the other excitedly. And from the back of the device came a fresh photograph of a rather bewildered looking Human Being.



The End



Thursday, November 15, 2012

Two Day Old Kittens

As forewarned here is another Kitten Video... If you are allergic to cute, do not watch this video!

Monday, November 12, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Seven


In this series I am purportedly demonstrating how I, a self described monetarily challenged moron, am going about turning $100 into $500.

Let me begin this week’s episode about “How I make money” with the true account of how I lost money. A lot of money…

I believe it was last Thursday and my brother was on his way to my house to pick up $180 in cash for a job he had recently done for me. I popped down to the local ATM to withdraw the money, popped in the old eftpos card, selected my account, entered the amount, declined further options, took my card and went to the supermarket…

Sounds pretty basic, except while standing in the queue at the grocery store, with my cocktail sausages, garlic bread and bottle of milk, I opened my wallet to discover that the money I had just withdrawn had gone to wherever it is that odd socks go when they mysteriously disappear!

But I knew that that could not be it, because such a place does not exist according to Richard Dawkins and all the other miserable “scientists” like him who have ruined the world beyond the veil for everyone; that only left me with one option – I had left $180 sitting in the ATM!

Leaving my sausages and milk behind to keep the rejected garlic bread company, I dashed outside as fast as my little legs could carry me. I was glad I was not topless at this point; my flabby gut and chest would have given the bewildered shoppers much to laugh at (or run from) as it wobbled like a skydiving bowl of jelly…

Teenagers in school uniform began to heckle me with what might have been, “Run Forest Run!” But I knew that no one who truly liked that movie could possibly put down an obviously distressed and panicked individual as myself, who now ran across the car park to the ATM as if I was going to save a kitten from a burning tree in the middle of a sea of hungry crocodiles…

When I got there, breathing and wheezing like a frantic bicycle pump with a rusty spring, I knew instantly that I was too late -the money was gone.

That wasn’t the hard part though… the worst of it was going home and admitting to my wife that I had just flushed nearly $200 down the proverbial lavatory.

Never have I felt more tempted than I did that day to “kill the goose” and withdraw the money I have made from this endeavor so as to save my butt.

But thankfully, to my great bottomless relief, the bank informed me that the machine gobbled my money back up when it realized that some idiot had forgotten to take their money. Now whenever I go back to my bank the ATM is going to think, “Oh no, it’s that git again!”

Now let me tell you about how I lost $10.40…

After the roaring success of selling over 13 books the previous week, and just when I thought it was safe to sit down in the boat, it capsized…and I got wet.

This week I sold:

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin -$5
Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Novel by Douglas Adams -$6
Homer’s Odyssey - $3
In Cold Blood by Truman Capote -$3
Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum - $4
Tully by Paullina Simons - $3
Flying Saucers – Serious Business by Frank Edwards - $3

Only seven books, making me a total of only $27…

Ok, so that’s not THAT bad considering when, in my last series, I was trying to turn $20 into $100 I was lucky to make even $10 in a week… but the problem is, every day I am listing and relisting books and that costs money!

Approximately speaking I’m spending about $20 a week on listing and success fees, and that’s still a hard thing for me to get used to!

So let’s look at the figures and compare them to last week…

Last week I was left with $183.95 and went away feeling like I was going to be able to brag this week about effectively doubling my money! But this week, after taking into account success fees and listing fees I’m left with $173.55…

This feels like when I was 17 and I read Lord of the Rings for the first time. Tolkien ended the second book with Frodo being stung by the big hairy spider and I thought he was dead… I was so upset that I put the book down and spent that night tossing and turning between tears of grief and shaking fists of anger at old JRR for putting down my hero… I actually lost almost a whole night’s sleep over that misunderstanding, but boy did I feel stupid when I read on to discover that Frodo was still alive and well!

My point is, don’t give up on me just yet! I’m determined to make this work! I certainly hope you won’t lose any sleep over my failure to move forward... when I’m actually only successfully moving backwards!

When I think about it I realized another expense has played a big part in my shrunken total. Now that I buy postage slips in bulk at $36 for ten, I still haven’t made back what I spent on them because an unusual number of customers opted to personally pick up their items this week… something I find irksome and mildly inconvenient but I allow it because for a lot of people it’s a selling point.

For such individuals I just pop the book in my letter box and trust that they will leave the correct amount for me… although my letter box is so rusty and falling to bits it might be a possible liability and give one of my customers tetanus! I am trying to convince my wife to let me make a TARDIS shaped letter box but I’m not having much luck there…

But one thing I have had some extremely good luck in this week has been the inconceivable popularity of Part Five in this series, having exploded through 200 hits, and most of them from France! At least some numbers are going in the right direction this week…

It turns out that one of the Blog Carnivals I’ve been submitting my links to is to blame for this… so to the folks down at www.workingathomeinternet.com/WP/ I would like to say thank you for your internet hospitality and for your awesome site! For anyone reading my blogs and who also dream of working from home then you should definitely “favourite” this site and tell all your friends about it!

In any case, please come back next week and, fingers crossed, I will be hurtling towards that $500 like a mannequin in a catapult testing facility.

Oh, and as an afterthought, this week I'm going to refrain from purchasing new product because I'm still trying painfully and slowly to list the last two week's worth of new stock...

I usually end the blogs with a plea to follow me on Facebook or leave you with a mental image of me begging you to “like” this blog but not this week (although those do sound like pretty cool ideas), this week I implore you earnestly to leave a comment (a nice one) because I need to know that the hits I’m getting are from real people and not robots, spambots or people who say things like, “Me like blog this much very, it makes sense to good when sometimes I have trouble my mobile telephone, perhaps you check out my site – www.spamartist.com?” – I get that a lot!

Until next week…


Click Here to read Part Eight of this series!

Click Here if you would like to follow my progress on Facebook!

Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks

Click Here to view my Trademe Listings

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Men in Black 3 - A Review

When it comes to movies there is nothing I can’t stand more than a sequel, that is, unless it fulfills two specific requirements.

1. The story arc encompasses all subsequent movies. In other words the story might need three movies to tell the whole story as in Lord of the Rings, the Star Wars Trilogy or even Star Treks II, III and IV.
2. A good length of time has passed between those movies for a decent script to be written and to ensure the right director is given the job of directing it, as in the Back to the Future Trilogy or the Toy Story movies…

When it came to Men in Black I wasn’t sure what to expect. The first movie was legendary, the second movie was clearly riding the cash splashing success of the first one and then… there was nothing…

For almost ten years.

When I first heard that Part Three was “coming soon” I had a nostalgic sneeze, blew my nose and forgot about it. But then I heard that the movie was going to be about one of my all time favourite movie fantasies – Time Travel. Instantly I was willing to lay aside my qualms regarding sequels, after all, a significant amount of time had passed and I was ready for the worst.

I think secretly I was hoping that the powerful forces involved in the magic of making the movie would somehow have Will Smith’s Agent “J” travel back to scenes in the previous movies to undo some paradox or other, in very much the same way as Michael J. Fox did as Marty Mcfly in Back to the Future II, when “old” Biff goes back to November 5th 1955 to give “young” Biff the Sports Almanac.

The kind of movie I wanted this to be can only be explained by the Deep Space Nine episode – “Trials and Tribble-ations” when, thanks to the CGI of the day, Actors from the then Modern incarnation of Star Trek were able to be inserted into “The Trouble with Tribbles,” an actual episode of the Original Series. Why no one has done this as a feature I have no idea! This was the fantasy I harbored for a long time over MIB3.

Well, I was half way there at least. Agent “J” Did indeed have to go back in time to fix a paradox… but we’ll get to that…

Having finally convinced my wife that MIB3 would be a good way to whittle away a Wednesday evening we hired it, watched it, stayed awake through it and actually liked it! (Actually, I have to confess that the main reason I wanted to see this movie in the first place was because I had just finished watching Seasons One and Two of Flight of the Conchords, and thirsty for some more sarcastic Kiwi dramatics and realizing that Jemaine Clement was in it I thought, “what the heck?”)

This was a very different addition to the MIB universe. It was like coming to an old heritage listed building and attaching a bouncy castle to it… and I mean that in a good way. While it had all the usual features the first two movies dished out, the quirky extraterrestrial reality behind normal everyday life, the Men in black suits, the stone cold Agent “K”, played by Tommy Lee Jones, it had the unexpected advantage of maturity.

Will Smith has truly shed the skin of the Fresh Prince in this installation. He’s not so much the Hip Awesome Cool dude (good grief, how old do I sound) of the first two movies, but, well, more of an adult; comfortable in his job, a professional, a grown up.

The movie starts on the moon in a top security prison where the villain of the tale, Boris the Animal (played convincingly despite the heavy make-up and CGI, by fellow Kiwi Jemaine Clement), the last of the now extinct Bogladites, escapes with something sinister and other worldly in mind – revenge on the Man in Black who put him there in 1969. If you’ve guessed the agent in question is Agent “K” then collect $200 passing “Go”.

Agents “K” and “J” meanwhile are attending the funeral of “Z”, the character formerly played by actor Rip Torn. The tension between “J” and “K” is evident after “K” gives a seemingly heartless mono-sentenced eulogy at the funeral and “J” begins to wonder what “K” might say were it his funeral.

Boris shows up at a Chinese restaurant that night, a lot of aliens are killed and the tension between the two agents is intensified when “J” realizes something is up with his partner and Boris has something to do with it. However all of “J’s” efforts to uncover “K’s” past are thwarted by his new boss, “M”, portrayed, Brittishly, by Emma Thompson.

The next day “J” discovers his partner died 40 years ago, history has changed around him and a massive invasion of Bogladite ships has arrived to destroy planet Earth.

“J” must convince his organization that he isn’t insane, drink a lot of chocolate milk, jump off the Empire State Building in order to travel back in time, convince Josh Brolin’s younger “K” that he is his partner from the future and prevent future Boris and present day 1969 Boris from killing him and thus saving the world once again.

And there you have a cleverly entertaining 106 minutes.

Agent “J” however discovers the younger version of his congenially challenged partner to be actually quite cool, laid back and actually rather pleasant. The quest, apart from saving the world, is on to find out “what on Earth” could have happened to Agent “K” to turn him into the grumpy old man from his future.

Should I spoil the movie for you? No, I don’t think so. But suffice to say there is a twist, and it somehow manages to complete a circle you never knew was there… turning the grumpy old Agent into the “Father” (but not really) the younger agent never knew he had. That’s all I’m going to say without completely destroying the movie!

I suppose the thing I loved the most about this installment is the story wasn’t burdened with a love interest. The focus was entirely on the two agents and their relationship with each other. Barry Sonnenfeld did a good job at creating believable bond between the two main characters that leaves you at the end of the movie a teeny bit teary eyed and maybe thinking about not taking so much for granted…

And I suppose that could be the moral of the story, don’t take anything for granted. Especially the implausibility of time travel!

Yeah, there were a lot of holes in the time-travelology but I’m choosing to ignore them.

I give this movie a modest 6 out of 10 for just being entertaining and for not completely ruining my expectations.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My Brother Does it Bear Grills

My older brother is a Geography teacher and has been gracing the Youtuberverse with some great educational videos for the geographically challenged among us...

Here's my favourite...


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

One Day Old Kitten

My apologies to the ailurophobes among my readers but my home world has been taken over by kittens. 

For the next ten weeks you have the misfortune of enduring an abundance of kitten related posts... at least until they're old enough to be "relocated"...

I decided to take short videos of them every day so as to track their growth and development...

Here's day one...




Monday, November 5, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Six

This week I witnessed four miracles.

Miracle Number One: I got out of bed this morning. This “business” of trying to turn $100 into $500 has become like a second job, and while I’m not complaining, it is exhausting juggling family life, career life and the dream of rolling around in 500 $1 notes all at the same time, not to mention littering the blogosphere with every little detail along the way.

Last night I actually dreamed that I was at work. It was that reoccurring dream again, the one where something goes wrong and for some reason I have to stay the night at work! I’ve caught myself saying more than a few times recently that my whole life feels like work lately! (in a good way of course, if I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t sacrifice sleep for it!)

On top of it all my sleep over the past two nights has been punctured here and there by the razor-sharp meows of new born kittens…

It has been a miracle that I have been able to walk away from my bed at all…

Miracle Number Two: I witnessed the wonder of new life as Fernando the amazing gender swapping cat gave birth to her first (and absolutely last) litter. Thankfully none of them appear to be her brother’s.

It was Saturday and I was poised to (responsibly )party the night away at a friend’s birthday BBQ. We were just getting my little ones ready when we started noticing the strange nesting behavior that cat mothers do before “it” happens; meowing and looking at you as if you understand cat-speech, walking around in circles, hiding under my two year old’s bed.

Luckily I was able to move her into our room and into an old box, on an old beach towel and on the floor.

And the episode began.

I’ll spare you the whole story, after all Cat Birth is not what you’re here for, but humor me as I share with you the highlights, the best of which being the first kitten came out tail first, got stuck and Fernando did this amazing centrifugal spin that catapulted the kitten out. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ve never quite recovered. Then over the next four hours, three more came out. Again, none of them appear to belong to Felix (insert loud sigh of relief here).

This is now the second time I have participated in feline midwifery and I find it absolutely fascinating that clearly no two cat deliveries are the same. My last cat exhibited none of the warning signs. She just climbed into bed with me; I went to sleep and was awakened at 2 a.m. by the loudest purring I had ever heard, as if a helicopter had materialized underneath my sheets.

It didn’t take long before I realized what was happening. It didn’t take me long to get out of that bed either! Why Marbles chose to give birth against my leg I’ll never know the answer to, but it was like that movie Saw, only with a cat, and I’ve never quite recovered from that experience either.

Does anyone want any kittens? They’ll be available in ten weeks…

Miracle Number Three: I finally invested $20 in Bonus Bonds through ANZ bank. I found myself with a rare childless moment this week and did the whole carpe diem thing – I seized the day like a cow milking machine and got a lot of stuff done and out of the way, including a much needed visit to the post office! Staying on top of all these deliveries has become a job in itself. But amidst the errands I was able to spare 20 minutes at my local ANZ filling out the application form, registering with Bonus Bonds online and finally, handing over my investment of $20… which may or may not grow, but at least that $20 will always be mine…

And finally, Miracle Number Four: I sold the highest amount of books I’ve ever sold in one week – 13!

Over the last seven days I sold:

First Man in Rome by Colleen McCullough - $3
The Complete Sherlock Holmes -$6
Clearing Away the Rubbish by Adrian Plass -$5
Broken Windows Broken Lives by Adrian Plass -$5
The Rats by James Herbert -$3
Goodbye Soldier by Spike Milligan -$5
Dublin by Edward Rutherfurd -$3
Along Came a Spider by James Patterson -$3
Golden Fox by Wilbur Smith -$4
A Time to Die by Wilbur Smith -$5
Triumph of the Sun by Wilbur Smith -$5
Shout at the Devil by Wilbur Smith -$3
The Mammoth Hunters by Jean M. Auel -$3

Giving me the grandest total of $53! As I used to say a great deal in my Dukes of Hazard days – “Yeeeeeeha grandma!”

So, as usual I intend to replace what I have sold this week with another 26 titles, but I must admit it is getting harder to do that now that I am selling around ten books a week. It raises a few eyebrows at the op-shops when the same guy (me) comes in week in and week out and buys twenty books at a time. Either they think I’m Good Will Hunting or I’m up to something…

Not that I think what I am doing is bad or dishonest, I’m just not sure everyone will agree with me…

So anyway, I shall set aside $13 for the task of replenishing my stock.

And now for the silent drum roll of your imagination and the equally inaudible fanfare as I proclaim from invisible roof tops – taking into consideration listing fees, success fees and replacing stock, I now have $183.95 with only $316.05 to go until I have reached my goal of $500!

Can I get another “Yeeeeeha Grandma!”?

The insane part of me wants to dispense with the analogy of standing in a wobbly boat, trying to keep myself from being regurgitated out as it capsizes; at times I have felt like I’m on a cruise ship, chugging along calm seas…

But my sanity taps me on the shoulder and reminds me to look at how quickly my Trademe account keeps running out of credit, just scraping into the following Monday with only a couple of dollars left to cover listing fees… it makes me nervous…

But I did discover one thing to calm my nerves this week – a cleverly ingenious way to make money from postage! I post out my books using NZ Post parcel bags that cost $4, my customers are happy to pay the cost. The bags take up to 1.5 kg in weight and save me the hassle of having to go to the post office to weigh every book for every customer. No thanks! But the cool discovery is that if I buy them in bulk lots of ten then I get the tenth bag free! In other words, for every 10 books I sell, I get an extra $4 in the old account. Shrewd as bro!

Now that you have made it this far, why not go the extra step and press that “like” button down there? And while you’re here, why not stick around, check out some of my other blogs, they could do with some hits as well… just a suggestion… well, actually it’s more like a begging plea… so what do you say?

Until next time, here’s some links to keep you busy…


Click Here to read Part Seven of this series!


Click Here if you would like to follow my progress on Facebook!

Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks

Click Here to view my Trademe Listings

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Kittens have taken over my bedroom!!!

My cat Fernando had her first (and last) litter the other night...

I missed a friend's birthday BBQ to "assist"...

This is the result...

The Cleverly Devised Poetical Dictionary of Prefixes and Suffixes

In my continuing efforts to expand my “vocabuverse” below is my recent attempt to poeticize the meanings of various prefixes and eventually suffixes. You know, the little words that make bigger words mean something more than what they originally did?

I guess you could call this my own special form of “paratuition” or “dyseducation”.

This is a work in progress (in the same way that my Cleverly Devised Poetical Dictionary of Difficult Words is a “work in progress”) so you’ll have to come back in a few months to see if I’ve “progressed” any further!

Here goes…



PREFIXES & SUFFIXES

A PREFIX is a little word
or “AFFIX” it is said
added to a bigger word
to make another word instead

But if you like you can AFFIX
a small word at the end
this is called a SUFFIX which
can change the meaning once again…





ABNORMAL

If you want a clever way
to say something’s abnormal
then insert PARA- at the start
as in paranormal
Otherwise you could indeed
put DYS- in PARA’S place
and change the face of “functional”
by having DYS- emplaced.



ABNORMALITY

In the case of abnormality
TERAT- or TERATO-
will fit quite nicely at the start
where a prefix usually goes



ABOUT

To add the essence of “about”
the prefix is PERI-
as in pericarp or periderm
or perinatology



ABOVE

EPI-, HYPER-, SUR- and TRANS-
and even the word SUPER-
denote the idea of above
along with the word SUPRA



ACCELERATION

Acceleration is a notion that
can be easily
infused into a word with TACH-
TACHEO- or TACHY-



ACROSS

The concept of “across” can be
incorporated by
DIA- as in “diadem”
or TRANS- as in “transcribe”



ACT (in place of)

If something is to act in place
of something or someone
put in PRO- before the word
and your job is done.



ADDITIONAL

to give a word the nuance
of “additional”
simply add the word EPI-
as in epicontinental



AFTER

If a thing is “after” then
add POST- or EPI-
as can be seen in postmodern
or epistemology



By Kerin Gedge
Copyright November 4, 2012


Coming soon in a rhyme near you:

Again = ana-, re-

Against = anti-, contra-, counter-, ob-

Air= aer-. Aero-, atmo-, pneum-, pneumo-, pneumato-

Algae = phyco-

All = omni-, pan-, panto-

Almost or apparentyly but not really = quasi

Among = epi-, inter-

Ancient = aerchaeo-, palaeo-

Angle = clin-, clino-

Animal = zo, zoo-, theri- therio-

Ant = myrmec-, myrmeco-

Anti clockwise = laev-, laevo-, levo-

Anus = proct-, procto-

Apart = dia-

Around = amph-, amphi-, circum-, epi-, peri-

Arrangement = tax-, taxo-,

Attraction to = phil-

Auxiliary = para-

Away = cata-
Away from = ap-, apo, ec-, ex-

Friday, November 2, 2012

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made - a modern hymn

I'm not a huge fan of modern church music. I miss the meat that you got to chew on while singing the old hymns...

Here's one I wrote based on Psalm 139. There is music but I'll have to post that at a later date..

God bless!

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Lord you have searched me and you know all of me
you know when I sit and when I rise
before a word is on my tongue you know exatly what I'll say
I'm always found inside your loving eyes

You discern my going out and even when I'm lying down
you are familiar with all of my ways
your magnificent omniscience scares ignorance away
before a word is on my tongue you know exactly what I'll say!

Oh my Father I thank you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made
You knit me together to praise you forever in the light of your glory and grace!

How precious to me are your thoughts Oh God
how vast is the sum of them
were I to count them they would all outnumber
every single grain of sand!

You hem me in behind me and before
you have laid your hand upon my Lord
Such knowledge is to wonderful for me to comprehend
and far to grand for me to attain or understand!

Father I thank you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made
you knit me together to praise you forever in the light of your glory and grace

And night cannot hide me or darkness abide me
your light it shines inside me!
The likeness of your Son is the work you begun in me
and only you can complete!

Where can I flee from your presence?
You're more than the Universe can contain,
encompassing everything contained by nothing
yet ever residing in me!

And if I could fly high beyond the earth's sky
and glide into infinity Lord,
there isn't a place that's hidden from your face
even on the wings of the sun's dawn!

Oh my Father I thank you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made!

Oh my Father I thank you because I'm fearfully and wonderfully made!


Written by Kerin Gedge, inspired by Psalm 139
Copyright 3 November 2012