Attention Grammar Police!

If you should find offenses to the English language in any of my articles please leave a comment and let me know so that I can obliterate it forever! Thanks!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Six

This week I witnessed four miracles.

Miracle Number One: I got out of bed this morning. This “business” of trying to turn $100 into $500 has become like a second job, and while I’m not complaining, it is exhausting juggling family life, career life and the dream of rolling around in 500 $1 notes all at the same time, not to mention littering the blogosphere with every little detail along the way.

Last night I actually dreamed that I was at work. It was that reoccurring dream again, the one where something goes wrong and for some reason I have to stay the night at work! I’ve caught myself saying more than a few times recently that my whole life feels like work lately! (in a good way of course, if I didn’t love it, I wouldn’t sacrifice sleep for it!)

On top of it all my sleep over the past two nights has been punctured here and there by the razor-sharp meows of new born kittens…

It has been a miracle that I have been able to walk away from my bed at all…

Miracle Number Two: I witnessed the wonder of new life as Fernando the amazing gender swapping cat gave birth to her first (and absolutely last) litter. Thankfully none of them appear to be her brother’s.

It was Saturday and I was poised to (responsibly )party the night away at a friend’s birthday BBQ. We were just getting my little ones ready when we started noticing the strange nesting behavior that cat mothers do before “it” happens; meowing and looking at you as if you understand cat-speech, walking around in circles, hiding under my two year old’s bed.

Luckily I was able to move her into our room and into an old box, on an old beach towel and on the floor.

And the episode began.

I’ll spare you the whole story, after all Cat Birth is not what you’re here for, but humor me as I share with you the highlights, the best of which being the first kitten came out tail first, got stuck and Fernando did this amazing centrifugal spin that catapulted the kitten out. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I’ve never quite recovered. Then over the next four hours, three more came out. Again, none of them appear to belong to Felix (insert loud sigh of relief here).

This is now the second time I have participated in feline midwifery and I find it absolutely fascinating that clearly no two cat deliveries are the same. My last cat exhibited none of the warning signs. She just climbed into bed with me; I went to sleep and was awakened at 2 a.m. by the loudest purring I had ever heard, as if a helicopter had materialized underneath my sheets.

It didn’t take long before I realized what was happening. It didn’t take me long to get out of that bed either! Why Marbles chose to give birth against my leg I’ll never know the answer to, but it was like that movie Saw, only with a cat, and I’ve never quite recovered from that experience either.

Does anyone want any kittens? They’ll be available in ten weeks…

Miracle Number Three: I finally invested $20 in Bonus Bonds through ANZ bank. I found myself with a rare childless moment this week and did the whole carpe diem thing – I seized the day like a cow milking machine and got a lot of stuff done and out of the way, including a much needed visit to the post office! Staying on top of all these deliveries has become a job in itself. But amidst the errands I was able to spare 20 minutes at my local ANZ filling out the application form, registering with Bonus Bonds online and finally, handing over my investment of $20… which may or may not grow, but at least that $20 will always be mine…

And finally, Miracle Number Four: I sold the highest amount of books I’ve ever sold in one week – 13!

Over the last seven days I sold:

First Man in Rome by Colleen McCullough - $3
The Complete Sherlock Holmes -$6
Clearing Away the Rubbish by Adrian Plass -$5
Broken Windows Broken Lives by Adrian Plass -$5
The Rats by James Herbert -$3
Goodbye Soldier by Spike Milligan -$5
Dublin by Edward Rutherfurd -$3
Along Came a Spider by James Patterson -$3
Golden Fox by Wilbur Smith -$4
A Time to Die by Wilbur Smith -$5
Triumph of the Sun by Wilbur Smith -$5
Shout at the Devil by Wilbur Smith -$3
The Mammoth Hunters by Jean M. Auel -$3

Giving me the grandest total of $53! As I used to say a great deal in my Dukes of Hazard days – “Yeeeeeeha grandma!”

So, as usual I intend to replace what I have sold this week with another 26 titles, but I must admit it is getting harder to do that now that I am selling around ten books a week. It raises a few eyebrows at the op-shops when the same guy (me) comes in week in and week out and buys twenty books at a time. Either they think I’m Good Will Hunting or I’m up to something…

Not that I think what I am doing is bad or dishonest, I’m just not sure everyone will agree with me…

So anyway, I shall set aside $13 for the task of replenishing my stock.

And now for the silent drum roll of your imagination and the equally inaudible fanfare as I proclaim from invisible roof tops – taking into consideration listing fees, success fees and replacing stock, I now have $183.95 with only $316.05 to go until I have reached my goal of $500!

Can I get another “Yeeeeeha Grandma!”?

The insane part of me wants to dispense with the analogy of standing in a wobbly boat, trying to keep myself from being regurgitated out as it capsizes; at times I have felt like I’m on a cruise ship, chugging along calm seas…

But my sanity taps me on the shoulder and reminds me to look at how quickly my Trademe account keeps running out of credit, just scraping into the following Monday with only a couple of dollars left to cover listing fees… it makes me nervous…

But I did discover one thing to calm my nerves this week – a cleverly ingenious way to make money from postage! I post out my books using NZ Post parcel bags that cost $4, my customers are happy to pay the cost. The bags take up to 1.5 kg in weight and save me the hassle of having to go to the post office to weigh every book for every customer. No thanks! But the cool discovery is that if I buy them in bulk lots of ten then I get the tenth bag free! In other words, for every 10 books I sell, I get an extra $4 in the old account. Shrewd as bro!

Now that you have made it this far, why not go the extra step and press that “like” button down there? And while you’re here, why not stick around, check out some of my other blogs, they could do with some hits as well… just a suggestion… well, actually it’s more like a begging plea… so what do you say?

Until next time, here’s some links to keep you busy…

Click Here to read Part Seven of this series!

Click Here if you would like to follow my progress on Facebook!

Click Here to read this series from the beginning!

Click Here to read my awesome last series, Pimp My Twenty Bucks

Click Here to view my Trademe Listings

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.