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Showing posts from October, 2012

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Five

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Ok, so last week as your eyes drove away from my blog to more important things like real life, you left me like a kid who had been dropped off at the wrong kid’s birthday party. I’ve been eating their food and using their bathroom and have only just figured out that I don’t have a clue who any of these people are… and still no one else has noticed. I have been the first to admit that I find myself in completely unfamiliar territory when it comes to business. The dreaded “B” word – “bu – is – ness”… it passes very uncomfortably through my lips. Years ago I went through a boiling surge of musical creativity; I wrote songs about love, life and about being a loser. Every poor soul with ears who came within a guitar pic’s throw of me and my six stringed torture-tool was forced to endure my latest hit, which came as a deluge of passionate wailing and trademark angst; and yet to my very great surprise (now, not then) I was often asked for an encore. People would say to me, “Why don’t

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Four

As brilliant as the past seven days have been, I am still not yet the master of the wobbly boat. First of all there’s Felix, my evil cat who I mentioned in my last series… Well, Felix has a “brother” called Fernando who was in every way the opposite of everything that made Felix a pain. Fernando was the perfect male cat until he got pregnant. This week I discovered his tummy was getting bigger and so were his kitty nipples… after further investigation I discovered he was missing something unique to all male cats, making him a female. Now I have to consider gender reassignment as a possible expenditure when all of this is over, that is if I want “him” to keep the name Fernando. At least my kids will enjoy having some kittens for a while, at least until for as long as it takes me to find them new homes! Anyone want a kitten? While this is a good example of the price of procrastination, it also demonstrates what not paying close attention will cost you! I’ve procrastinated on

Genesis Chapter One - A Poem

In the beginning God created The heavens and the earth The world submerged in waters deep And all was dark before it's birth The planet hung in silent space A formless silhouette But glory graced it's cold dark face As upon the deep hovered his Spirit And then the Holy Elohim Commanded that the night Step aside and bow down to His words, "Let there be light!" And upon the earth the new light shone It's youthful radiance All because the great God spoke His word of influence And by that word he kept apart The darkness from the light And declared the light be called the "Day" And the dark he designated "Night" And evening fled Morning came fast The first of all the days had passed. And then the Great I Am proclaimed, "Let there be an expanse!" And the waters separated quick To facilitate the skies advance And by the Lord's supreme decree The firmament was so Distinguishing the atmosphere From the

Jaws - A Review

There are certain movies that, in the course of your life, you will come back to. For me those movies are dominated by two directors, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. In my formative years these magicians of film were at the top of their game and produced some of the most memorable movie moments that, like handprints in wet cement, left their mark permanently in my developing brain. But this Review is thanks to Spielberg, so move over George. I was three when I first saw E.T. at the local cinema with my older cousin who was babysitting me that day. I still remember how both awe-struck and devastated I was when E.T. finally went home; his mother ship leaving its rainbow trail in the night sky. The days of VHS came along and the bright among us discovered that if you had two VCRs you could easily “dub” video rentals. Of course this was illegal, but this was the 80’s when most of the population’s hair cuts should have been illegal. We had an uncle who had amassed for himself a m

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Three

We’ve all seen this in the movies, a guy in a row-boat in the middle of a lake stands up only to have the dinghy wobble frantically about, threatening to tip him overboard until he finally finds his balance, standing very still in the centre of the boat in a sort of spider-man pose while he figures out what to do next… That’s me, metaphorically speaking... Last week my “boat” was wobbling. If you saw my blog you might have read between the lines; that I was doing the wobbly boat dance, wondering who let me take their boat out in the first place! This week I’m doing the spider-man balancing pose, gradually finding my sea-legs while I ponder what to do next… From the day I started Pimp My Twenty Bucks until Now I have not had a week like this one, in which I have sold so many titles, breaking all my previous personal records! But enough chit-chat, let’s get straight into it! This week I sold: James Clavell’s Whirlwind -$3 James Clavell’s Noble House -$3

How Distillation Works - A Poem

When a liquid is heated its molecules react, In fact they start to move around and violently interact Crashing into molecules Which are not yet in motion until they gain such insane speeds they break free of their boiling potion And so they make their great escape in the form of vapor Until they meet with something cold and their adventure starts to taper Losing kinetic energy they start to coalesce and become little liquid drops upon the newfound cold surface The process itself is not unlike A kettle boiling fast The steam escapes the angry jug and collects in droplets on the glass It also happens naturally when the suns hot rays makes water to evaporate and thus creates clouds full of rain In chemical technology the procedure is done with distilling apparatus or a big distilling column Its purpose is to separate liquids that can steam from ones that can’t evaporate or turn to gas so easily The portion which evaporates When heat is applied condens

Pimp My Hundred Bucks - Part Two

For the past three to four months I have been indistinguishable from Julie Andrews in the opening credits of “The Sound of Music”. As I leapt from week to week, from one small success to another, it was as though I was the young head-strong nun dancing in the hills, crushing the daisies under my careless feet, singing, “The Hills are alive, with the smell of money…. La lah ah ah…” Then I reached the top of the hill having made the Hundred Bucks for which I had been climbing. In my elation, and perhaps pride, propelled by stronger ambitions I threw myself at the next hill before me, on top of which rests, hopefully, a greater figure of $500. But as the song says, what are we going to do about Maria? Because this Maria is not wearing the right shoes, has no climbing experience, and didn’t notice at the outset just how rocky and jagged this new hill would quickly become! Last week I set forth my various intentions regarding how I was going to transform my new found hundred into $5

The Five Year Engagement - A Review

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Have you ever watched Saw? You know the one about the psycho who puts people in a situation where they have one of two choices – either to die a horrible death or survive by committing a gruesome act? Well, I chose to survive by committing a gruesome act. I watched The Five Year Engagement starring Jason Segal and Emily Blunt. I have endured various methods of torture throughout this year. I have seen the dentist tray’s tools of extreme hurt take the shape of films like The Vow or The Lucky One. Heck, I’ve even offered a molar to the drug free root canal like pain of The Note Book, but this comedic chick flick (if it can be called comedic) was like rubbing the sleep out of my eyes with an electric sander. This movie steals all the best bad descriptions I can think of. I experienced Arcane Boredom. It was Intensely Inane. A prescription of morphine might have made it less painful, but I doubt it. Just look at the poster of the movie and you will see Jason and Emily’s characters

Letter to a Great Agnostic

This article would best be read AFTER reading my blog entitled, “Does God Really Need Our Prayers?” Particularly the comments section. A long comment deserves a long response and I always secretly desire to enlist the help of my other readers who may be more knowledgeable than me about such things, not to mention more articulate! King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, “The more the words the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?” (Ecclesiastes 6:11) I fear that I am guilty of ignoring that proverb! But it’s my hope that should I fail miserably at this apologetic that anyone reading, and not just my agnostic friend, that they would ignore everything that I have said here and go straight to the laboratory – by bending on their knee and actually trying to talk to God for a month, by praying the Lord’s Prayer, just to see what happens. I said it below and I will say it again, I believe that talking to God in this way, would be far more beneficial than reading one of my blog

Does God Really Need Our Prayers?

UPDATE:  I'm not writing this blog anymore, but please visit my YouTube channel  The Vocabuverse   and subscribe for more great things to come! Another Youtube chap came out of the wood work today with another point about prayer, once again inspired by my video from the Sermon on the Mount. He wrote: And in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus says that prayer leads to condemnation. This text has intrigued me as an agnostic philosopher and I’ve been trying to interpret it in a logical way. In my view, if God exists, then he must be perfect and asking him to change his will, through prayer, because of human desires or emotions is insulting. If a perfect God does exist, he has no use for petty things such as worship or prayer and just wants us to live good lives, regardless of religious beliefs. Thank you my philosophical friend for your interesting input! I’m not an historian first and foremost so cannot offer a textual analysis or critique of the Gospel of Thomas. It is not par

Did Jesus Really Forbid Praying in Public?

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A few moments ago a friendly critic left a comment on one of my YouTube videos which I felt was worthy of a proper response… well, at least as proper as I can muster. The video was of me reciting Chapter Six of Matthew which just happens to be the second part of the Sermon on the Mount. My atheist friend (I hope I can call him “friend”) has stated: “The sermon states that prayer in public (including church) is hypocrisy. This sounds like a problem” But does it really? I have to disagree. The verses he is referring to go thus: “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners TO BE SEEN BY MEN. I tell you the truth; they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father who is unseen, then your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” (Matthew 6:5-7) I wrote in caps the bit that I think is crucial to my argument – TO BE SEEN