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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Dear Internet - Part Two

Dear Internet,

No offense to my friends who like this sort of thing but... Please "Like" and/share if you feel that you may have suffered from brain damage to some degree from the amount of times your kids have blared out Frozen's "Let it Go" at the top of their lungs.

I don't know about you but that song is like the first time I ate a pickled onion, it was a great sensation going in but not as appetizing coming out again.

 If enough people agree with me we might be able to take a class action against Disney for creating a threat worse than Global Warming and one that all scientists can agree on - that the song really sucks.

Seriously I would rather put honey in my ears and lie beside an ant nest on a hot day before forcing them to endure a song that was clearly written by aural masochists!

They should have let me write the song, it would have gone something like this:

The song glows white on
My haunted ears tonight
Not an earplug to be seen.
A hateful oscillation
Coming from that Disney Queen
Her throat is howling like my swirling
Spew inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them sing,
don't let it be
Be a good girl and throw out that DVD
Conceal, don't feel
I'm about to lose my meal
And my chunks will blow

Let it go, let it go
Can't stand that song anymore!

Let it go, let it go
I'm going to jam my head in a door!
I don't care
But I've got to say
That if you sing that song
I'm gonna have to throw your barbies away!

It's funny how some distance
Makes it more tolerable
But my ears don't stop their bleeding
Till I can't hear it at all!

It's time to see what I can do
To get that song away from you
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
Sing it and you're history!

Let it go, let it go
Or I'll stick this fork into your eye
Let it go, let it go
You're making me ears want to cry
Here I stand
Now watch me run away
O if you sing that song
I'm gonna go give all your toys away!


My saneness flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going to like this song no matter how much you ask

Let it go, let it go
Or your pillow pet's gonna die
Let it go, let it go
See your my little ponies fry!
Here I stand
In the light of day
Oh if you sing that song
You won't see me again until next May!



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