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Friday, September 7, 2012

Pimp My Twenty Bucks - Part Thirteen

The other morning I did a peculiar thing. I sat up in my sleep and thought about sleep walking before finally deciding against it and throwing myself back down into bed. Only, my subconscious forgot to include my pillow in the whole procedure and thought it best to send my forehead crashing into the corner of my bedside drawers instead. I woke up, needless to say, very suddenly muffling an expletive or two as they tried to escape the prison bars of my mouth which usually keeps the cursing under lock and key. I was sure I had just taken part in the creation of my very first black eye but thankfully my superhuman epidermis spared me the need for foundation cream.


So I'm left to wonder what was going on deep in the empty caverns of my head that caused my violent wake up call? Was it simply that I hated my pillow enough to prove the point by trying to knock myself out while I was already knocked out to begin with? Or does it prove that in my natural state I am so lazy that even in my sleep I can't be bothered with getting out of bed? Or perhaps it's deeper than that; perhaps there is a little accountant locked away in a previously unused part of my brain who, having finally discovered that the door to his squishy little pink and gray cell has swung open, is now running madly with the neurons responsible for head banging?

I am going to make a point, so please, stay with me here...

The truth is I do hate my pillow. I used to have a great feather down pillow until in an effort to cure my three year old's night terrors I sacrificed it for the greater good. No I didn't put it over her head, I did something even more drastic - I gave it to her, and suddenly she sleeps like a baby should while I try to kill myself somnambulistically. Indeed a new pillow is now on my list of things to buy, along with the shoes, the road trip and my cats maturing manhood.

But I think, more to the point, I really am lazy. In fact we all are. Financially speaking most of us, myself included, have lived from paycheck to paycheck struggling to pay our bills while dreaming of the toys we would like to buy or the experiences we're missing out on because our wallets don't want to come to the party. Some of us are even lazier and run straight to the finish line by putting all of the above on credit only to sacrifice more of those paychecks on repayments later...

If this experience of gradually turning $20 into $100 has taught me anything, it has been that financial laziness is no longer an option for me. I have learned the secret that money can either be a seed or piece of fruit. You can eat the fruit and be left with nothing, or you can save the seed, plant it, tend it and eventually you'll have more fruit!

I've spent my 34 years trying to find the dream job or the best idea or write that awesome song or whatever it was that I thought was going to make me the big bucks but at the end of the day the small change in my pocket was all I needed to get me on the road to financial fitness. Like the late great King Solomon said, "Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it." (Proverbs 13:11)

I can no longer claim, "I don't have the money," because with a bit of determination and patience - I can make the money.

As for the little accountant running wildly throughout my brain, please excuse me for a moment while I tell him to put some clothes on...

... that's better. He's just enthusiastic. But in all seriousness this adventure, slow as it may seem to the many, has created new pathways in my mental network that I am looking forward to travelling down in the near future. Just to tease you a little, I have to say stuff the cat, the shoes can wait and although I would like the freedom to visit my mother on a weekly basis my stomach will probably thank me for fasting from her cooking for a while longer, because I intend to Pimp My Hundred Bucks as well... but let's not jump ahead of ourselves, I'm not quite there yet...

(Please note, I am not really an irresponsible cat owner, next pay day Felix is going to have to say goodbye to his "boys" one way or the other, but please don't tell him that, I want to enjoy the look on his face when he realizes what the box in my car is for.)

So, now that I have successfully fleshed out this weeks edition with lots of nonsense, here is what we have all come here to read..

Last week I sold

The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis for $3
Watership Down for $3
Kim Stanly Robinson's Red Mars for $5.60

Totalling a megalithic $11.60 to add to my cash stash.

Keeping with my formula I purchased six books at the cost of $5.50, a few dollars more than I normally would have spent, but again I found myself out of town and couldn't resist checking out the local op shoppery while I was there. Though the books were up to four times what I would usually pay back home, the titles were good and I was confident they would sell, so I took the risk.

I relisted the items that did not sell last week along with the six new titles, which now brings me up to a total of 47 books in stock!

So forget the drum rolls, let's start making the ice cubes for the champagne we're going to break open when all of this will soon be over, because now, after deducting success fees, after subtracting the cost of new product and taking into account the cost of listing those items - I am now left with $81.66 with only $18.34 to go before I can take a break from this climb up financial Everest!

And with that, I am gong to put my crash helmet on and go to bed.

In the meantime, if bed doesn't appeal to you right now and you are desperate for something to do, please click the "Like" button below for an experience that can best be described as microscopically thrilling.

Also

Click Here to read Part Fourteen in this series!

Click here if you would like to read this series from the beginning

Click here to check out this weeks items

Click Here to hear what the sound track to Lord of the Rings would have sounded like had I written it!

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