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Monday, December 28, 2009

Dream Sequence Part One

I suppose you could say my new years revolution (because my resolutions almost always fail I will call it a revolution instead; should it succeed it really would be a revolution!) would be that I will give a better go of blogging. For lots of reasons of course, the main being that I want lots of people to read it and shower me with accolades that land gently on my ego and heal the bruises of my day job! But also because I saw that rediculous movie - Julie and Julia. My wife made me do it.... ok so I lie, I actually wanted to see it but I found the movie worthy of a seperate condemning review, so all I will say is as annoyingly girlie as the movie was it did inspire me to write. Here was Julie writing about cooking until one day someone sends her what looks like a bottle of Nando's Perri Perri Sauce and I started thinking, man if I write daily maybe eventually someone will send me some thing to eat?

Anyway, enough of that, I guess its because I haven't had breakfast yet and its already mid day!

My blog site is not really about anything. Its like Seinfeld, a show about nothing. But if you believe the evolutionists eventually something comes out of nothing and I might say something worth mentioning. I will write about whatever's on my mind at the time and that could be anything from how much I hated Dances with Wolves (sorry, I meant to say AVATAR)to what I learnt in Church this Sunday. But just to fill in a bit of space I'm going to start blogging the majority of my dreams because if they can entertain me perhaps they can entertain you just enough to keep you interested, and frankly they are much more exciting than that new James Cameron movie and probably make more sense as well.. ouch!

I had a great big sleep in this morning to recover from my recent holiday in Aussistralia's Sunshine Coast where the sun may set but is always there in spirit, your clothes are always wet from the broken down air conditioning system in your body as it over produces sweat and you run out of things to wear very quickly. It was incredibly winderfull but how nice has it been to be in a bed that I can actually snuggle up to under a thick blanket since being back in Auckland!

So as I was doing all that snuggling and snoring I dreamed...

I was in a masssive top secret and very metallic facility in the middle of the ocean. The place was enormously enormous and towerered from the sea floor to well above the waves that crashed against its side. It would have been cool were it not for the fact that every scientist, soldier and cleaning lady in the great sea city had been converted to Zombism and were running around the place on their dead legs eating people along the way. Thankfully I missed out on all the gory details and can't remember if I saw any arms being munched on or throats being throttled but the dream took a turn for the worst when suddenly there were no Zombies to worry about any more and the rest of us survivors were happily cleaning up the mess until I was handed a gun and told to go into this one particular room where the last infected thing resided which just so happened to be a visciously adorable piglet.

It didn't help that I had suddenly become a female scientist either, that only added to the horrificy of it all.

So I go into this perfectly white room that had what looked like silky white stalks going from floor to sterile ceiling making it extremley difficult for me to see where this little pig was and compounding my paranoia that this little pink pig might prickle me in the ankle and start the whole terrifying canabalistic nightmare all over again.

Sure enough the little piglet sees me and all it wants to do is chase me around the spooky white forest and lick me while I can't get a clear enough aim at its forehead.

So in I walk, one minute I was the science chick and the next I'm me again, coming into the room to save the day. Upon my entry the strange white plants dissapear and the room becomes bare with only a fireplace in the centre and a little dog resting inside it, looking at me with its big round eyes. I think it was something like a poodle but cuter because normally I would have shot a poodle without thinking about it (ok, not really). But I had a moral duty to protect the human race so without thinking I aimed the gun at its head and pulled the trigger only to have a very much alive doggy staring back it me quizzically with a round slug pallet imbedded in its forehead!

Those stupid military gits who couldn't do this themselves had given me an air pistol. Realising I would have to reload some fifty times while I torture this poor creature to death with lead marbles I went to the door where my boss was standing, called him an idiot and declared that I needed a real gun. He told me that as soon as I got out of that room he was going to detain me for insubordination, then someone gave me a gun they had made. It looked like a crome pan-flute. Disturbingly beautiful and probably completely functional as both a musical instrument and a killing machine. The round bullet that I placed in the barrel was as big as a gob stopper or an eye ball that had turned into steel. I walked up to the dog and had a fantasy about just picking it up and throwing it into the sea. It seemed like a more humane idea at the time to just pit the pooch into the gaping jaws of a shark but then I was told off ,in my fantasy, by the female scientist that I had formerly been, because if the dog was eaten by a shark then we would end up with Zombie sharks and eventually Zombie fishies, leaving the human race in the same position of facing its own extinction at the cost of everything else on the planet . So I shook myself out of the fantasy and marched up to what I thought was a dog only to come face to face with a 4 year old girl...

I was being tortured by my subconscious now, it was going to make me go through with this exocution no matter how cute the innocent criminal may be. She asked me what we were going to do today and I told her we would play a little game. I had her stand against the wall and to distract her I took a pencil and began drawing an outline around her little body, so that we would at least have her sillouette to remember her by. She thought it was fun and kept lauaghing so I began whispering to her how much her daddy loved her as I lifted the gun to do the deed...

Thankfully at this point my mobile phone rang, in real life, and it woke me up before I pulled the trigger. It was my mate Geoffrey wanting to have our weekly chat about Doctor Who. Usually when I'm woken out of an intense dream, like when I'm doing breath stroke in mid air or discovering a bag of money under my pillow I try to go back to sleep and finish the fantasy but in this case I was happy to leave it with the little girl still alive and ready to infect the human race with her cute brand of necromancy.

I feel deeply disturbed.

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