Kerinthian's

Dear Internet Today was my last day of work and as much as I would like to be a smart Alec about it I Daresay I shall miss this place.  Peradventure in the future time I will suffer a measure of withdrawal as I look back upon my 8 years in the "booth". Thanks to the more than 15000 hours I have spent in darkness, forgoing my required daily intake of Vitamin D while people made out, ate popcorn and escaped to Hollywood fantasy land, my head is fractured with myriad images of the many hundreds of movies I have been exposed too. My brain is now a network of camera angles, CGI and bad prequels.  If it weren't for my time here I wouldn't be the man I am today; I would be the man I could have been today instead. Something to think about.  Most of all I will miss the thousands of feet of 35 mm film that has passed through my hands, which I have spliced and threaded into the ancient machines whose demise led to my timely redundancy. Those very same projectors that...

Dear Internet, No offense to my friends who like this sort of thing but... Please "Like" and/share if you feel that you may have suffered from brain damage to some degree from the amount of times your kids have blared out Frozen's "Let it Go" at the top of their lungs. I don't know about you but that song is like the first time I ate a pickled onion, it was a great sensation going in but not as appetizing coming out again.  If enough people agree with me we might be able to take a class action against Disney for creating a threat worse than Global Warming and one that all scientists can agree on - that the song really sucks. Seriously I would rather put honey in my ears and lie beside an ant nest on a hot day before forcing them to endure a song that was clearly written by aural masochists! They should have let me write the song, it would have gone something like this: The song glows white on My haunted ears tonight Not an earplug to be seen. ...

Dear Internet, Instead of a good old fashioned diary in which to pour my riveting daily happenings I've decided to blog them instead. That way, knowing that a potential audience is reading about my personal life I will be forced to embellish my mundane experiences and hyperbolate to the point that my life might seem interesting. Don't get me wrong, I am very greatful for the things my life has been blessed with, after all I have a beautiful wife, kids and two cats that I hate (I mean I hate my cats, not my family!), but by blogging my days away things like brushing my teeth go from this: "Dear diary, this morning I got up and brushed my teeth. I spat in the sink, cleaned my tooth brush and then remembered to have breakfast, only to brush my teeth again." To this: "Dear Internet, this morning I arose from the tomb of my bed where I had lain for 6 hours like a corpse awaiting the Last Trumpet. When I had come to terms with the miracle of still being alive...